I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned

So January 6th, I got the most amazing opportunity to go see Hillsong United in concert. I first found out about it in October and bought tickets AS SOON as they were on sale. I've wanted to see them for so long and they were actually going to be in Colorado! YAY! When the tickets came in the mail, I put them on my fridge, anxiously awaiting the day I would get to use them.

Fast forward to that night.... A snowstorm was supposed to hit, and boy did it when we (James, Tyler, Kaci, Chris, and I) were driving through Denver. The concert started at 7:30 and we weren't sure how long it was going to take us to get there. An hour and a half drive turned into about a three hour drive...I couldn't stand how long it was taking to get there, but I knew it was going to be amazing once we did show up.

FINALLY, the moment arrived, we got in, got our bracelets, and BAM! "Our God is Mighty to save, He is Mighty to save."

The beating of my heart followed the deep beat of the drum. (my absolute favorite part about any concert, but so much more when it's worship)

Ears ringing with thousands of voices singing his praises.

Singing as loud as I could until my throat was dry.

Because of the storm, about a thousand people didn't get to come for various reasons that had to do with the weather. A part of me is sad that so many people weren't able to make it, but the majority of me is very glad, because the floor (where we were for the concert) wasn't completely full. There was room to dance around, not be squished by other people, and have your arms completely out and not hit anyone.

Brooke Fraser, one of my favorite artists and one the most amazing artists from Hillsong, was there (I was SO excited) and as soon as she started singing, I got down on my knees and in the moment of being lost in pure worship, my eyes filled up with tears, and I knew it was just me and Jesus. I've never had a moment like this before...where it felt as though everyone around me slowly disappeared and it was just me, alone, with Hillsong, in this huge stadium. My heart was moved and everything inside became consumed with the Lord.

THEN...it's like the Lord knew right then and there what I needed to hear..."A thousand times I've failed, Still your mercy remains, And should I stumble again, Still I'm caught in your grace, Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades, Never ending your glory goes beyond all fame, My heart and my soul, Lord I give you control, CONSUME me from the inside out..."

My favorite song. My hearts cry. As I knelt there, arms wide open and heart abandoned, tears falling down my cheek, I knew that the Lord was starting a work in me, He was going to do great things in my heart, He was preparing me for the operation and healing on my angry, bitter, very hurt, unforgiving heart that was taking over my life, my thoughts, my emotions...everything.



And His work has begun.... as of Sunday, January 17th....

Four Little Letters

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine




Love. It's a mystery to me........but I do love the idea of falling in love all over again.

With you.

It's a NEW YEAR!! 2010, here we go....

So, I haven't blogged since October...and I do believe too much has gone on for me to try to catch you up on in just one blog. But I can say this...it has been months of change, growth, hurt, tears, seeing the Lord work, frustration, laughter, learning, "insert foot in mouth" moments (many of them), headaches, no sleep, backaches, not eating, eating too much, FAMILY, amazing friends, The Office, ending school (passing my classes! Praise Jesus), finding joy, FRIENDS, learning that the petty things don't matter in the big scheme of life, and love. phew.

God is a big God and He knows all and works in and through all seasons of life and for that, I am humbled and grateful.

So...2009, was ...um...a rough year...? HA! Okay, more like a crappy year, but it's the past and you can't live in the past, right? Right.

2010 is a NEW year, a better year in my eyes! I'm excited to see how things unfold, how the Lord works, and see His plans play out. My heart jumped with excitement when I re-read that :)

So for 2010, I set some personal goals. I think "resolution" is stupid and overused, so "GOALS" it is...and goals, is in fact what they are.

*clears throat* Ready?

Spiritual
1-Spend more time with the Lord (this tends to be a goal every year and I always fall short...time for some dedication)
2-Find a few good books to read about the Lord, His characteristics, becoming a woman of the Lord, relationships, devotionals, etc. before the end of the year (and to not let school become an excuse not to do so)
3- Journal more...blogging is fun and all, but to have some journal time would be even better
4- Share the love of Jesus with more people. It's the end times people, and Jesus is going to be coming back very soon! I want as many people to know about His love and know His saving hand.
4- PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. In James 5:16 the Holy Spirit states, “The effective, earnest prayer of a righteous man is powerfully effective.” It is amazing what can be accomplished through prayer. Satan hates when we pray and that is something I want to push in his face everyday. I want prayer to become apart of my DNA. Prayer for not only family, loved ones, friends, personal growth, or relationships, but for the government, our leaders, the nations, the sick, the orphans, and the widows.

Academic
1- Study harder in school this next semester...concentrate more on the classes then on things going on
2- DO NOT PROCRASTINATE...ha...we'll see how this one goes...
3- Get better at actually attending class and not make up excuses for not going
4- Not only study hard in the classes I'll be taking, but EXPAND MY HORIZONS! Yes, this is big. I want to learn more about business, different ministries and churches, insurance, real estate, the government, politics, philosophy, art, and music, gosh...the list can go on and on. But I want to be a well-rounded woman, and in this day and age, it's a good thing to be well-rounded ;)

Personal
1- Do not argue (good tip and lesson from my wonderful grandma)
2- Do not let fear and anxiety take over my thoughts or actions (PRAYER comes in handy here)
3- Be more logical, less emotional
4- Think before I speak. "Slow to speak, quick to hear"
5- Work on tone of voice, sarcasm, and words that can be hurtful
6- Compliment others more often
7- Befriend those that need friends
8- Get out of my comfort zone more often. Meet new people everywhere I go!
9- Have a better attitude at work and even, possibly, try a new area..like volunteering
10- Don't put high expectations on people , as they are humans and will fail, but be pleasantly surprised when they exceed my expectations
11- LOVE. Show love, speak love, encourage in love, let the love of the Lord shine through. Love selflessly, expecting nothing in return.
12- Don't let the little things get to me (it's not worth it...good life lesson that I learned while in CA for Christmas...life is just too short to let the little, petty things turn into huge, big things)
13- Smile more. Laugh more. Find joy in the small things (like getting a blender...that made me so happy, thank you Dad!).
14- Have hope. Hope and trust in the Lord completely...then from there I can learn to trust others.

Health
1- Eat. But not only just eat more, eat healthy. More whole grains, organic, veggies, fruits, fish, etc. Less-to-NO frozen lunches during the week!
2- Get into the routine of taking vitamins
3- EXERCISE. Oy...this one will be hard. Do you realize HOW MANY people say this every year and it only lasts about 3-5 months and WHAM, they're back to their lazy American selves? *sigh* Yoga always interested me, so I think this is the time to start. Or even just getting out and walking or jogging. HA...we'll see how this one goes too!

FUN FUN FUN
This is the part I have been anxiously awaiting to write about! I need more fun, more adventure, more laughter, just more :) Not that I'm not satisfied with life, but there can always be more! LIFE IS SHORT...remember!

1- Learn to cook! Last night I went to Barnes & Noble (favorite store, ever) and got the Food Lovers Companion. I have dedicated myself to learn at least, minimum, one new and challenging meal every month for the year of 2010. This is going to be SO much fun! Oh, and learn more about wines and drinks to go along with different meals...yes!
2- Learn to sew!! Eek, I am so excited for this one. I just want to learn the basics and try to find a sewing machine on craigslist for a good price. Thankfully, my dear friend Savannah has become quite the seamstress and has offered to help me learn :) New summer skirts and dresses...HERE I COME!
3- Go new places...ADVENTURE. I live in one of the most beautiful states and have only seen a very, very small portion of it. I want to get into the habit of, when there is nothing going on on a Saturday or even Sunday, get in the car and drive somewhere new. A new city, new town, new hiking trails, you name it. I'd like to see at least 5 new places this year! And that means, even if it's "get in the car yourself Autumn and have an adventure day, just you and the road, DO IT!"
4- Try a few new restaurants this year...new ethnic foods or even just going to a new place to eat. Nothing like eating at new places!!
5- Do more crafts. Like scrapbooking crafts, painting crafts, picture frame crafts, even sewing crafts...Let the creative juices flow! Thank you Mrs. Roy for encouraging me in this area!
6- Take more pictures. Pictures tell stories and are memories that last a lifetime. I want to share all the memories I can with my children, grandchildren, and so on!


*deep breath* I know...it's a lot...

I once was told that I could never fulfill all my ambitions because they were too much for me. Lies from the pit I say. I may be ambitious and have some pretty big goals, but like I said, life is too short and I caught just a glimpse of this when I was in California over Christmas break.
Will I fulfill all of them? Probably not, but that's okay. If I can touch on all of them, that would be good enough for me :)

2010 will be a better year than last...I think any year will be a better year than 2009, but this is the year I have chosen, yes, CHOSEN to make change in my thinking, in my heart, and in my mind. It's just time. Life is beautiful, life is wonderful, life is what you make of it...and I want to make the best of it!

Be blessed this new year friends...more blogs to come! I have to keep you updated on my new adventures I'll be taking this year! hehe

xoxo