I'm sitting here at work on a slow Friday morn, listening to Leeland and The Glorious Unseen. My heart was provoked by the Lord to read the Bible, which I haven't been doing and now realize that I need to more than ever before.
Mom leaves next weekend to move to California to be with Michael and to start a new life...pretty much. Things have gone from bad to worse, from worse to horrible. I see that Satan has his hand print all over this situation and makes me tremble that he has worked his way into my family. I've seen firsthand how when you let your guard down for one moment, Satan attacks. I know he's here to "steal, kill, and destroy," and I see that present here in my family. In a moment of weakness, my Mom let the enemy come in. It's scary to me and I know that the only one who can save her and save relationships that have been broken is the one who CONQUERED death and the grave; the One who bore the weight of the world.
James chapter 1 says to "Count it all joy when we fall into various trials, because you know the testing of your faith will produce patience." I live this scripture so much because it's SO true. I feel my faith being tested, my boat being rocked, my world being turned upside down. This is a test that I have yet to pass, that I can only pass with the Lord's strength, mercy, peace, and guidance.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." verse 19+20 in James chapter 1 states. This is what I need right now. To be quick to listen to the hearts of my brother and Father, and yes, even my Mom, even though we're not talking currently; but more importantly, I need to be quick to hear the words of the Lord and what he's trying to tell me through all of this. I need to be slow to speak, for my desire is to have the Lord's words flow from my mouth. This can't happen when I'm talking all the time and not letting Him speak through me. And slow to become angry, which I'm finding to be really hard at this present time. There are so many questions that I don't have answers to and so many things I don't understand, which makes me so angry, so quickly. I don't want to be filled with anger and resentment towards my mom and her decisions, so LORD, please help me with these three areas. Help me to be quick to listen to the hearts of people around me, my family, and most importantly, YOU Jesus. Lord, grant me the patience to be slow to speak. I pray that from this day forward, it would be your words that flow out from my mouth. And Jesus, help me not be angry. Help me not be upset at my Mom for the choices she's deciding to make. It's so hard, but with YOUR help, I know I can conquer this weakness. Thank you Jesus for being the only one who will never leave or forsake me. Wrap YOUR arms around my dad and brother, give them peace and strength, trust, and complete HOPE in you! Show me how to be the woman that you want me to be Father in Heaven. Thank you! I love you Jesus and I love that YOU know what's going to come out of all of this mess.
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