Whatever You're Doing Inside of Me

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out -Sanctus Real


This song has been on my heart and mind for the past weekend. Thursday night, things were said to me by a person that I love more than anything and it was things, that of course, I didn't want to hear. Who wants to hear that their not doing well in certain areas of life? Well, I didn't want to hear it at all. So, in my defense I got upset and yelled and screamed and lashed out in a very inappropriate way, almost losing my relationship. The following two days I spent on my knees in my apartment listening to this song over and over and over again, reading the Word, and crying out to the Lord about these things that I need to change. Personality traits that have really got to go. My prayer went a little something like this....

"Lord, I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm failing the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Lord, there are things in me that need changing...my attitude, my negativity, my tone of voice, how I react in situations I don't like. Jesus, transform me into the women, the wife, the mom that you want me to be. Show me how to love like you and to show love through every part of me."

As I was crying my eyes out, this song came on..."Whatever You're doing, inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace..." I sang it over and over again, on my knees, "Lord, You're doing things in my and growing me in areas that I don't want to be grown in, and it hurts, and I don't like it, but at the same time, I know You're doing it for a reason and I know that you're transforming me into the woman you want me to be."

The Lord is doing big things in my life...big changes in my personality and how I respond to people and certain situations. Now, change doesn't happen over night, and I know this. My aunt and my uncle are helping me get through this rough patch in my life, and although I didn't want their help at first, I am so grateful to have and aunt and uncle that care care so much about me and talk to me and pray with me. James has things in his life that need to be changed too, things that he knows needs to be worked on before marriage can take place. Together, we are working on these areas. Together we are becoming the man and woman, future husband and wife, that God has called us to be. I see the Lord training and raising up leaders in us. I see James and I doing great things in our future together...but these things can't take place without God's help.

Together, we are walking hand-in-hand through these rough patches and together, we're going to make it.

I encourage, whoever reads this, to let God take control of things in your life that you don't want to let go of. God is a BIG God and He wants us to be mold-able so that He can do an amazing work in our lives. Surrender all things to Him, great or small, and He will take care of them. Sometimes it's chaotic, but the Peace of God will be right there with you, walking with you. Remember, God will never leave nor forsake you :)